I tried to resist: really. All fall, as I stood sentry in the lobbies of the Newhouse and the Beaumont, I was sure that my notebook would fill with remarks overheard from audiences about Macbeth. And while I did capture a few ear-popping comments about the Scottish play - one woman insisted she had seen a TV version of it starring Jerry Seinfeld - I was more often drawn back to what I scribbled down about Domesticated. To wit:
Woman in Fur Coat: Clybourne Park was a follow-up to A Raisin in the Sun. Is this play a sequel to Clybourne Park?
Second Woman: Yes, I think it is.
Woman in Fur Coat: Oh, good. I like trilogies.
* * *
Young Woman: I once heard Jeff Goldblum play piano in a jazz club.
Her Friend: How was he?
Young Woman: Really good. He could have had a career in musicals if he wanted.
Her Friend: I thought tonight was a musical.
Young Woman: You thought tonight was a musical? You thought a show calledDomesticated was a musical?
Her Friend: If there's a musical called Urinetown, there can be a one calledDomesticated.
* * *
Elderly Man: Is there nudity in this play? I hope there isn't nudity in this play.
Elderly Woman: No, there isn't nudity. Whenever there's nudity, they have a sign that says: "Nudity in this play."
Elderly Man: No, they don't. They have signs that say, "There are gunshots in this production." "There is smoking in this production." "There are strobe lights in this production."
Elderly Woman: They have to have warnings about those things. All of those things can cause strokes.
Elderly Man: When I took my mother to Hair in the sixties, the nudity almost gave her a heart attack.
* * *
Distinguished-looking Man: Why are you late? I almost had to go in without you.
Woman: It's snowing.
Distinguished Man: That's no excuse.
Woman: My dog took too long to do his business.
Distinguished Man: That's no excuse.
Woman: I just saw George Clooney on the street and I followed him for a block.
Distinguished Man: Okay, that's an excuse.
* * *
Woman at Intermission: This play reminds me of "The Good Wife."
Second Woman: Is that the one with Nathan Lane and Christine Baranski?
Woman: Yes.
Second Woman: Are they the stars of it?
Woman: The Broadway version.
* * *
Man: A friend of mine told me this play is very politically incorrect.
Second Man: Good. I'm getting tired of going to the theater and seeing liberals getting off and conservatives getting ridiculed.
Man: So it's only politically incorrect when conservatives win? What's it called when liberals win?
Second Man: MSNBC.
* * *
First Woman: When I heard that Laurie Metcalf was in this show I just had to buy tickets.
Second Woman: I've liked her ever since "Roseanne."
Third Woman: I've liked her ever since Balm in Gilead.
First Woman: I've liked her ever since the third-grade Thanksgiving pageant she did in her hometown in Illinois.
Second Woman: How would you know? You grew up in Brooklyn.
First Woman: YouTube.
Brendan Lemon is the American theater critic for the Financial Times and the editor of lemonwade.com
